I had a dream one night. In this dream, I woke up to find a woman sitting in a chair by my bed. She had been watching me sleep, for how long, I don’t know. She was looking at me with total love and adoration in her eyes. Her face radiated with pride. I felt the love she felt; it was almost palpable. But I was puzzled as I didn’t know who this woman was. She looked familiar but I couldn’t place her. She looked like my mother but I knew she wasn’t my mother. How did I know this? Because my mother never looked at me like that – with pride and love and adoration. She never hugged me as a child and I don’t ever remember her telling that she loved me.
So I looked carefully, thinking she might be my mother’s sister. There was a family resemblance there for sure. But I knew somehow she wasn’t my aunt. Then I considered that she might be their mother, my grandmother Scott. I knew, though, somehow, that she wasn’t my grandmother.
I studied her and wondered who she was but I never asked. I glanced away and when I looked again, I recognized her finally – I knew she was my mother.
My mother sitting there watching me sleep, looking at me with love and adoration and pride. My mother? I was totally puzzled by this. Why wouldn’t I have recognized my own mother? Then I knew the answer. My mother never looked at me that way when I was growing up. I never saw that kind of love in her eyes when she looked at me.
At the time of this dream, my mother was in heaven. She was healed of all the stuff that got in the way of seeing me the way she felt in her heart. All those years of believing the lacking was in me and that I was fundamentally flawed in some way, some way so big that my own mother couldn’t see past the flaws and see me. But now, in heaven, with a heart that is healed and emotional baggage that has been unpacked and removed, my mother can look at me through eyes of love and adoration and pride, something she couldn’t do while here on earth.
That dream brought me a tremendous amount of emotional healing. I look forward to seeing her in heaven and getting a hug.
Heaven has so many things in store for us too wonderful to even imagine. Among those is the opportunity to be with those who love us with nothing between us. No hurt, no pain, no regrets, no fears, no insecurities, no emotional baggage, no unhealed stuff. Nothing but love. Total, complete, unconditional love, acceptance and adoration. What joy that will be!